Talk:The Warrior's Beginning (original version)/@comment-2142396-20180909190703
I just caught up on the story till chapter 12, and since a lot is happening, I’d better comment now. Salley’s Broodwrath is not what I expected, and I have to admit that it’s plain scary – not because it makes its owner capable of causing terrible bloodshed, but because due to Salley’s Bloodwrath being triggered by fear, even a simple panic attack can bring it forth. Moreover, it seems like some kind of vicious circle, because as long as Salley is afraid to trigger her Bloodwrath again, her own fear actually makes it easier to trigger it, like during the confrontation with otters. I don’t know if Prophets meditate, but it seems to me that the experience would certainly help Salley keep her composure better. ;) Luna seems like the only support Salley has right now, though I can’t really blame Rose and Dancer for being wary around Salley if her Bloodwrath is as strong as we’re told. By the way, I’m curious whether that aura of calm and tranquillity that Luna possess is typical for all pegasi or it is something that only Luna has? Another interesting point for me was that we didn’t get to see Tynek’s reaction to Salley’s Bloodwrath – and considering that Tynek is a Bloodwrather himself, I don’t think he would react with such fear as Rose and the others did. Come to think of it, does Tynek even know that he has Bloodwrath? After all, he blacked out when he first unleashed it in Marshank, and he didn’t interact with anyone who may have told him of it, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t aware of his Bloodwrath. Speaking of Tynek, I was just about to comment that he is almost invisible in these chapters, since we know that he is here but barely see him, then I realized that it had to be due to us being locked in Salley’s PoV. Salley doesn’t interact with Tynek much and barely knows him, but if we were to see things from Rose’s PoV I’m sure he would’ve displayed much more personality. ;) Oh, and the otters are so awesome! Even if they mostly behave like jerks in these chapters. But I love that you portrayed them as their own people with culture and customs and principles. I think I’m already a little bit in love with Sular! I didn’t expect you to introduce Tullgrew, even if that character isn’t actually Tullgrew as we know her but rather a new character with old name. If she is going to become a regular, then the relationship between her and Salley will be interesting for sure. :D I also think this is the first time in the rewritten TWB that the point of ‘vermin are always evil’ was raised. So far this topic was downplayed, and while Badrang and Verdauga as well as their soldiers are vermin, this fact was never brought into focus - instead of narration presenting the matters as ‘they are vermin because they are evil’, it’s ‘they are vermin and they just happen to be evil’. Until now I even thought that there wasn’t a principal division between woodlanders and vermin in your world! Was that clearing that Brek and Jazmine discovered while following the cart’s tracks the place where Salley’s group was attacked by Necromancers and where she discovered she has Bloodwrath? I’m trying to figure out where exactly Salley’s group, Ballaw’s troupe and Badrang’s fortress are right now in relation to each other. ^^ Now please wait a minute as I sob my heart out over Jazmine and Brek. Poor Brek, and especially poor Jaz! :( She is such a ray of sunshine, she didn’t deserve any of it! However, I should complement you for your completely heartbreaking inside view of slavery in Marshank, of that hopelessness and despair that come from being imprisoned for so long that you adapt ‘better him than me’ outlook. I mean, I was glad to see Kaylar again, but it was almost tear-jerking to see than he were the only one to approach Brek, and it looked that all the other slaves simply didn’t care what happened around them as long as it weren’t them who suffered. I was glad to meet Whegg again – or should I say for the first time? ;P – though it was strange to see him as a strict no-nonsense Captain, because I remember him to be more… well, emotional. At this point of the story Whegg can be characterized as a noble villain, because despite him helping Kaylar, he still had practical reasons for his act, since he views slaves as legitimate property above else. Yet Whegg is probably Brek’s best chance to help Jaz. And, as a sort of silver lining to the whole situation, I totally feel like laughing out loud at Badrang, because he 1) scolds Fragorl for talking too freely before the guards, 2) throws Brek, who is practically the sole witness of his scheming, into the common grounds with no supervision at all. Classy, Badrang, classy! :P Okay, I understand that this is not exactly a typical situation, and neither Badrang nor Erwin couldn’t even imagine one of the slaves having the audacity to address a captain of Greeneyes like that, but I just find it all so utterly ironic. Yes, Badrang, this tiny mouse kit is going to bring the wrath of Greeneyes on you and ultimately become the death of you. *evil laugh*